i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
