It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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