You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
