Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
