Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
