If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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