watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
