It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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