You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
