Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
