I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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