I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
