There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
