i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
