What did we do last night that was yellow?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
