just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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