Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
