...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
