you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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