My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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