You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
cat food counts as protein by the way
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
