well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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