apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
