That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
