I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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