and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
