i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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