He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
