the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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