And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
