how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
