I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
