i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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