all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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