so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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