But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
