do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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