Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
