dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
