Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
