I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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