He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
