I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
