I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
