where am i from again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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