Sry I called you an 8
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
