all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
