I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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