Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
