there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize