Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
