The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
