So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Houston, we have a squirter
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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