YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
