He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
