I am puke
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
