I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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