hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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