my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
