It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
