sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
