Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
