You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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