ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize