I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
