does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
