did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
