Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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