You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
