Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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