He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize