my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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