I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
