Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize