and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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