some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
