We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize