It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
