btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize