mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
