That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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