so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
