My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
