So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
