I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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