you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
