when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
