it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
