Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
COCAINE IS GR8
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
