She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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