using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize