i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
