i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
