I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
