I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wear drunk well.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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