Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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