I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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