Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
