Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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